last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.