this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
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My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.