For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?