Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.