I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...