I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
tell me about the eggs
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