He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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