I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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