I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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