sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
