Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
