I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
