speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
