Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
