This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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