like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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