Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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