I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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