He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
