His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
