He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
