my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
