I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
