Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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