Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
