the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
