i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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