I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
