I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
