So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
