i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
