Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
