Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
