Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
