The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
