I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize