also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
