my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
