you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
