I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
