Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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