The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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