If that was your dad, he is hot
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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