I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
