i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
