Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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