If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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