I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
