Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
