Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
ttyl tear gas
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
