Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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