As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
