I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I will be naked everywhere
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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