new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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