watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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