No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
