why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
