please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
