i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
