It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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