I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
