you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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