Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
