Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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