Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
