i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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