she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
