...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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